Surreptitiously I was somewhat glad that I was finding Neurotheology
so difficult to settle in my mind. Professionally I wasn't about to
engage in sheer speculation, though I was not adverse to developing
reasonable hypotheses. And this definitely meant lots of "academic"
hand-holding with Ellen!
And truth be said, I had never met a woman with whom I was so
at ease. Ours had turned into a cheerful relationship. And more
importantly, she had become a special person in my life. So,
naturally, I was delighted to spend more and more time with her!
Over my years I had been content being a "natural" solitary. And
though I had women friends, I never thought much about involved
relationships or marriage. It simply was not in the cards, so to
speak. But Ellen proved to be of a different quality. Allowing
myself to muse, I sometimes almost felt she might be my soul-mate.
Are there such possibilities? Or was I indulging in magical thinking?
Oh well, no harm done--hopefully.
However, I didn't let my magical thinking take hold too much. I
might dream, but I had to face the reality that I was much older
than Ellen--indeed, old enough to be her father. Still, I didn't
view her as a daughter. Rather she was becoming the important
*woman* in my life! Consequently over time, I learned simply to
let be. I wouldn't avoid the relationship, nor would I try to manipulate
or control it.
So Ellen and I have plodded along, happy together, taking pleasure
in one another's company, trying ever to get a better grip on the issues
brought forth by Neurotheology.